i would punch a child for taco bell
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
