So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
