sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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