You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
