The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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