Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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