READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
