he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
