after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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