One girl and one boy is just not enough.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
