Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
