put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
