I think I died a long time ago.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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