champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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