mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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