she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
