if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
