yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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