Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
