were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Randomize
