I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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