I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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