Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
