woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
