Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize