Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
