I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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