last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
