Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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