Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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