I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
