She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize