Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize