Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
