We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This couple is walking their pig around campus
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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