Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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