Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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