I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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