May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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