A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
