I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
