a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
