I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
