Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
