actually, I'm a sock model
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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