you would pick up someone in the library
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
