he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
