Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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