I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize