the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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