I didn't shave. On purpose
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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