He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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