I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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