last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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