My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
