I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
