so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
