Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
