i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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