When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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