Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
