i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
