she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
