i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
