East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
