that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
