Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
