The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
