I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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