Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
