We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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