the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
