You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
