If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
