Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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