All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
