Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
