He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
