And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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