Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
