you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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