i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
