A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
