He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
