lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
