margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
