Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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