Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
