i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
false alarm. still invincible.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
