We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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