just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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