I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize